Confusing signs from separated wife...

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I routinely help men to re attract their wives—even when their wives are involved with someone else. It took me the entire rest of that year to realize this, but after a year of separation, I ultimately knew that I had to wake up. Am I hurting my kids with this decision?

Since it was under his name he removed me from the access of making any changes. I was walking in negativity, anger, and eggshells on a daily basis.

How to Deal with Separation from Your Wife

He wants to go live with his dad. Layered on top of the pain and grief of divorce, Anna is now facing the rejection of her son. Being rejected by a child can leave a parent feeling desperate and totally out of control. Recognizing the Problem Like an adult, a child faces many adjustments as the result of separation and divorce. A child may be grumpy with you or not want to go somewhere with you as a part of the normal course of being a child even if divorce was not a factor. On the other hand, if the child is showing a pattern of rejecting one parent a serious problem may be developing. A child may reject one parent for many different reasons. Child-parent relationships are complex and separation and divorce add to the complexity. How Does Each Parent Contribute to the Problem. Actually, more likely a complex pattern of reasons. It can help to identify how each parent contributes to the problem. Absorbing the negative emotions of one parent toward the other parent may have started long before the divorce. Most parents understand that children need a positive relationship with both parents. Yet, some parents are so angry with their ex that they intentionally act to create division between the children and their other parent. Each child in a family may respond differently to this influence. Of course, in an ideal world, parents will work together to co-parent for the good of their children. This is unfortunately not always the case. For this reason, a disparaging remarks clause is often included in divorce agreements directing that neither parent should badmouth the other parent to the children. If your agreement is not yet final, be sure to speak with your attorney about including a disparaging remark clause. Also, find out your legal recourse should your ex violates this clause. The other parent may not be intentionally driving a wedge between you and your child. When your child sees that you two can get along it will lessen his need to wife won t talk to me during separation between you. This is especially important if your ex has been diagnosed with a mental health issue. Counseling can educate you on how to best deal with the person and help you grasp what will and will not be effective in your own coping. You may feel comforted if your child prefers you to your ex but that is not healthy for your child. This can backfire and drive the child further from you if you are the rejected parent. If you are the preferred parent, it can damage your child by inhibiting a positive relationship with their other parent. Keep in mind that your child is half from you and half from their other parent. Demeaning the other parent can also inadvertently leave your child feeling demeaned. This can be very stressful for your child and build resentment toward you. Give love, support, and guidance. Make communicating with you safe by showing empathy and understanding. Blowing up at your child when your child blows up at you is counterproductive. Being with your child is the only way to repair a damaged relationship. Try to understand what your child is experiencing. Patience will win out over anger. The earlier you act the better. It may take a while for a child to feel at home in each household. Create a space that the child can call their own. They are at an age where autonomy and identity are big developmental issues. Spending time with peers becomes more important than spending time with parents. Work with this reality to schedule your time with your child. Trying to work against this reality will only frustrate both of you. Give yourself and the child time and resources to work through the divorce experience. Build a support network of family and friends for yourself and your child. Conclusions When a child rejects one parent it can be heartbreaking for that parent. It is important to determine how each parent is contributing to this problem. Each parent can take steps toward supporting healing between the rejected parent and the child. Separation and divorce can increase the complexity. There are many things parents can do to contribute to healing if rejection is addressed before it becomes full parental alienation. If the problem is severe or escalating to full parental alienation, or if you are unable to gain cooperation from the other parent, professional help may be in order. What symptoms do you see that this may be progressing to or may have become a serious problem. Talk with God Ponder this reading and share your thoughts with God. Listen so that the Holy Spirit might fill you with wisdom and peace. What concrete actions do you need to take based on what God is saying to you. Christian Inspiration: Start children off on the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it. Thanks for visiting my ministry website. I know first-hand how much divorce can complicate your life and I want to help you. My own divorce experiences have led me to this ministry. As a Christian who has been through divorce, and as a former educator and educational counselor, I dedicate my life to helping others like you through my writing and workshops. I hope you found this article helpful. Both father and husband badmouth me to daughter, 15 years now. My son has been very courageous to keep up a relationship with me. She may have had another child by now. I love my daughter and have reached out to her this many years. Keep reaching out for a relationship. My friend s 15 year old grandson had been estranged from her for 13 years. Her daughter was 16 when he was born. My friend helped her raise him but then family tensions wife won t talk to me during separation to the girl moving out to raise him on her own. My friend became estranged from them. Her daughter was very stubborn and refused reconciliation. This weekend the boy was knifed in a park altercation with older teens and died. I am encouraging my friend to continue to reach out to her daughter. The lesson is that no one knows how long we have on this earth. Domestic violence is indeed a downward spiral. God understands the pain you have over the absence of your daughter. Trust that God walks with you every day. I just prayed for you, your daughter and the whole situation. Whether or not there is restoration with your daughter, I pray that you find the peace that passes all understanding. It is sad that an ex will go to such lengths to punish their ex-spouse not realizing that ultimately they are hurting the child. It takes me all my strength not to resent this abusive and manipulative on the part of my ex. This is probably the most awful unintended consequence of divorce. No parent deserves to lose their kids in this insidious manner. Michael, I am in the same situation wife won t talk to me during separation there is court ordered therapy required. Be persisitent and visit the child at school or somewhere in person. Unbelievable what a vindictive parent will do to the point of falsely stating the ex was a wife beater to cause alienation. This all sad and many folks dont think of family destruction and kids. We adopted our daughter when she was 6 months old, just 17 years ago. I loved her from the day she met me as a baby. My wife and I are now separated and getting divorced. I text her almost every day and wish her a good night but no reply. I asked about our daughter not communicating and my ex said … she has a mind of her own. I am heartbroken, Shed tears everyday, wake at night and think. Its affecting my work and I have no desire for much of anything. Gary, Thank you for commenting. A communication gap between 17 year olds and their parents is an age-old problem. Have you talked with a counselor about the best way to relate to your daughter given your specific circumstances. As hard as it is to believe, you can learn to accept that there may be little you can do about the situation right now. You can find peace for yourself by turning this over to God. Sometimes our very intensity to have a relationship with another person can in fact further turn that person away. Believe that he has the bigger picture. Continue to love your daughter but trust God to heal this relationship no matter how long it takes. I will share your story with our prayer leader so that we may all pray for you and this situation. I have a lot of support from friends and family it keeps me strong but it does not take the pain away my ex makes me look like the bad parent even when I never invited my children to our wedding. I wish he would stop saying nasty things about me. It becomes a competition now one I dont want to have. Think of positive things in your life each day. Focus on where you want your future to head. I have learnt not to be dragged down never forget how abused you were your ex will keep trying to abuse you remember why you left in the first place. Just be patient kind and appreciate when you do get time to even speak to your children just listen to them no judgement they feel pain too. I married at 16 husband was 19 rough 32 years of marriage my wife won t talk to me during separation husband was extremely abusive and an alcoholic tried several times to leave him. My children are now 30 and 24 I separated for good 4 years ago and found my new husband and have been married now for almost a year now. Sadly my ex gets both my children to be a go between. I have lost contact with both my children its devastating. They were not invited to my wedding too much fighting going on. The once father they were afraid of has now become their preferred parent. I am lost and cry all the time. My escape from abuse and torment is costing me my relationship with my children I can hear your pain in your words. Pray for your children and trust them to God. God is close to the broken hearted. Thank God that you are free from abuse. Ask God to bless your new marriage. Focus on cultivating the joy in that relationship. I was married for 21 years to a very passive aggressive husband who would give me the silent treatment instead of communicating. It took me 5 years to make up my mind to leave him. When I did, it was the hardest thing to do and my now 17 year old son hates me. My other son who is now 20 years old is totally supportive. However, the 17 year old wanted to live with his father and is very much like him. They both ignore me and my son tells me when he sees me how much he hates me to the core. The things he says to me are so hurtful that I feel sick after I see him. I am a good mother, and no one is perfect. I was a stay at home mom from the day my boys were born and was always there for them. I felt like a single mom most of the time because my husband was always working and hardly ever home. There was no communication and a lot of ignoring and no support from him when my younger son started verbally abusing me when he was 13. My husband would never stick up for me and would side with my son. This gave my son permission to continue his abuse. Now he lives with his father and I still get the verbal abuse. Long story short, my ex taught my son how to treat me and now that they are living together it continues. I am heartbroken, sad, and lost. Thank God my older son is in my life. My days are consumed with why. Why does one son love me and the other hate me. I loved them both since the day they were born. I was there for both of them the same. Their father was never home and when he was home there was no family time. So I am finding it hard to understand how a good mother can be hated so much. I truly believe my ex taught my son to hate me because he knew he could. Wife won t talk to me during separation younger son was easier to manipulate. It is the most heartbreaking experience in my life. I still tell my son how much I love him every chance I get. I pray everyday that God sees and will help my son come back to me. He had a good childhood and he refuses to see it. He just remembers the last four years of a very unhappy marriage. May yours be the story of the son who returns Luke 15:11-32. Focus your attention on those things you can control in your life. How does a mother just let go of her son. Only by knowing that there is one far greater. Give him over to our Heavenly Father. I know a man who lost affection of all of his children. He prays for his children and still hopes they will reconcile someday but he had to emotionally and mentally stop stewing in it in order to find peace and joy in the life he still had. Letting go also allowed him to step back and stop projecting intense feelings of loss every time he had contact with his children. That in itself relieved some stress. May he bless you with the peace that passes all understanding. My story sounds familiar but I had to comment for the intense feeling of loss and sadness. I have 2 children that are now 18 and 20. My exwife and I divorced when the kids were 5 and 7. She has always tried to keep the kids from me and talked poorly about me in front of them. This being so hard and she even had strange men spending the night with her when the kids were very young. My son and I have a great relationship, my daughter who is the younger of the 2 not so much. Literally 3 years ago my daughter ceased all communication with me, and my entire family. She had such a great relationship with all of us up to that point. My sister has 4 kids, 2 of which my daughter was around for years. He has suffered the brunt of his mother with her horrible temper and favoritism of his sister over him… I am very thankful he has turned out the way he has. He is a very kind and gentle soul. My daughter is graduating high school literally in 4 days. I reached out to her over a month ago and told her I would really like to see her and her graduation. She finally did reply to me via text and said I could come if I wanted to. I made flight reservations and everything. I moved a year ago because my daughter would have nothing to do with me. It made her feel uncomfortable. It has been 2 weeks now and she has not replied to the 3 times I have tried to contact her, once being about how I would get the tickets I need for her graduation. Her mom displays the same trait in not responding to me for any reason, but she will reach out if she wants something. Unfortunately this is how my daughter is now. I have been seeing a counselor and that helps a little. You are experiencing something that is very hard indeed. It sounds like you have made positive efforts to reach out to your daughter but continue to be saddened by her neglect. But, it seems at this point your challenge is to find a way to keep the door open to your daughter while also learning to live with her absence in your life. Continue to love her but find ways not to let the situation steal all of your joy. Turn your daughter over to God and wait. Meanwhile, you have a life to live. Work with your counselor to find positive ways you can direct your energies that will enrich your life. Despite the situation with your daughter you can find joy in your relationship with Christ. God bless you and thank you for posting. My wife no-fault divorced me about 22 years ago, after 18 years of marriage. Our 2 sons were 9 and 12 at the time. I was emotionally and financially paralyzed by the process and lost the house, the kids, most all of my money and was an emotional wreck for years but eventually climbed out of it. My work life was such that I had to work at jobs all around the country but would always make an effort to drive or fly to visit them as often as possible. Things were not on great terms with the ex so I would no longer visit them where they live, but would meet them out at restaurants. I have been unhappy about them all living together so long, but they have been supporting her. I feel the deck was stacked against me in terms of trying to hold the relationships together but I was grateful for all the good times we were able to have. One son was happy to travel with me and we have gone on many nice trips together. Even after divorce I had invested lots of time and money to help them all have cars, more education, a place to live, etc etc. Even though I hated the divorce I have tried to be as Godly about it as I could. All these years I have wife won t talk to me during separation spent much time discussing the divorce with my sons, but they have never voiced any concerns about it to me. She has never had another relationship with a man as far as I know, seems like the sons would not let her bring another guy into the house. I last saw my sons about 4 months ago, and we had a good time. But I have always suspected that after all these years there are some underlying unspoken undercurrents, but again nothing expressed. All of a sudden out of the clear blue they do not want to see me anymore, it seems. So I am trying absorb the shock, and lean on the Scriptures, but I am dismayed by the mystery turn of events. I do not know how long this will last, but right now I am trying to accept what I cannot change, and just hold onto faith and the Word. My ex had done the same thing to me, dropped a bomb out of the blue after 18 years that she was divorcing me, with no warnings that I could see, so once again I am caught up in the shock and awe of what makes people tick. Kent, It must be especially disconcerting to be blindsided by this word from your ex after having been blindsided that she wanted a divorce years ago. Your sons are grown so please consider direct communication with them. Talk with God about this and ask for direction and wisdom. If I had been able to communicate with him directly, I would have never started this discussion here. A few days ago, my latest text to him, simply about what was happening in Hawaii with the volcano, initiated a fury of rage from her that I should leave him alone, etc. My son now 31 and I had toured that area by helicopter many years ago. The guy is a vice president at a major financial company so why he would feel the need to suddenly hide behind apron strings, so to speak, is mind boggling. My ex is an unhinged control freak, bipolar, etc so I have stopped listening to her for a long time, she tends to bombard me with hate messages by the hundreds, it got to be too much to handle. In the middle of all those there might have been some clues but when she has made demands and threats I have had to shut her off. Her pattern has been to repeatedly accuse, prosecute, convict, sentence, and execute me. I never agreed with the divorce, but with no-fault I was left out in the cold. But I had always maintained close ties with my sons and helped them so much in many ways to get their lives on track. They all live in a furnished apartment that I found for them in 2010. I helped them all to relocate from Wife won t talk to me during separation to Florida. From her I feel like pins in a voodoo doll. I know it would be spiritually bad for them to harbor resentments and rejections towards any parent. Hi everyone, so saddened by some comments. I too have been alienated completely by my daughter who is just 14 yrs. I became so ill i ended up in hospital with a nervous breakdown and intensive therapy and meds afterwards. Im stronger menrally depression wise now but i have an emptiness that nothing can fill…. U see my daughter and i have been so close always and even after her dad and me seperated 9 yrs ago we co parented well. Moreso because i was overly nice for my daughters sake to make the best of a bad situation and to ensure her childhood still had good memories. Thats all i ever wanted for my darling girl. As soon as hormones hit she became distant and started to reject me once i met a new partner. I understood her feelings and after 12 weeks i ended things as i couldnt bear to lose her but the damage had been done. She wont see me, talk to me or anything the pain is undescribable. Learn more about life after divorce, coping with divorce, Christian divorce, divorce recovery, divorce support groups, Christians and divorce, divorce support recovery groups, Christian divorce support, and divorce and remarriage in the Church.

Stopping the damage that prevents you from getting your wife back When men start reconnection coaching with me, they are usually on their way to total rejection from their wives. Now, maybe what I'm about to say might end up being a tool for you to be even more manipulative, but it's a valuable thing for anyone to know. Why should I not be able to get the same in return? If you dig deep inside yourselves and are truly honest with yourselves, you will believe that everything I have said here is the absolute, undeniable truth and it will change your lives. But he pressured her, telling her that they needed her income. I have experience in all five boroughs as well is Nassau and Suffolk County. I don't know if she really just does want a break or she is angling towards ending things. Your sons are grown so please consider direct communication with them. What you intrepret as callous or erasing history or leaving past behind is just based on how you feel and make decisions for yourself.